


Isolated

by Dkatgal



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Background Supercorp, Bring tissues, Character Study, F/F, Sad, Sanvers - Freeform, Somebody hug Kara for Rao's sake, tw: depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:58:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9637919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dkatgal/pseuds/Dkatgal
Summary: Kara hasn’t felt this isolated since she first landed on earth and couldn’t speak her new family’s language.  2x11





	

**Author's Note:**

> SETTINGS: Episode 2x11, otherwise know as ‘wtf Supergirl writers’.  
> Kara has made her way to Alex’s place instead of waiting for her sister to come to her.
> 
> NOTES: So, I watched 2x11, only to find myself hours later thinking about the ep, and sobbing at the thought of how isolated Kara has become. These are some of my feels about Season 2B.

Kara Danvers didn’t know how long her hands had been shaking, or how many stuttered breaths she’d inhaled, or how many tears had fallen down her cheeks. What she did know was that she hadn’t felt this alone since she’d first landed on Earth and her cousin had delivered her to the Danvers’. Landing on a new planet, being placed into a new family, and having no idea how to speak the language had been the hardest event of Kara’s life. So why, Kara thought, was she suddenly having that same overwhelmed panic as she’d had exactly thirteen years ago when she’d first landed on Earth.

Her Earth Birthday had always come with mixed feelings, but Alex had been with her for every single one of them. All through high school, college, through Alex’s first years at the DEO and Kara’s at CatCo; rain, hail or shine, Kara’s Earth Birthday had been bookmarked off.

And Kara had desperately needed some time with her sister. It felt like they hadn’t spoken in weeks, not properly anyway. She loved how happy Maggie made Alex, loved the smile on Alex’s face, the teasing lilt to Alex’s voice that Kara didn’t think she’d ever heard before. Was it possible to be so, so happy for someone, and still be so sad all at the same time?

These last few weeks had been some of the hardest that Kara had ever experienced; some changes had always thrown Kara off course, but losing so many of her stabilising touchstones had decimated whatever track Kara had been on.

Losing Cat had caught her so off guard. She’d known how much Cat Grant meant to her; both as her mentor, and later in their as their relationship developed into one of friendship and equals. She hadn’t been ready to lose Cat’s guidance, her steady voice of reason, the giant heart hidden beneath a sneering exterior.

James and Winn had been steadily pulling away, lost in the excitement of secrecy and danger that was James’ new role as Guardian. Kara knew she would never forgive herself if anything happened to James. And she also knew that her disapproval meant absolutely nothing to the newest vigilante, and so the rift that had grown between them since ending their might-have-been romance had only deepened to what felt like an unending chasm. Winn, of course, was taking James’ side of the argument, despite the fact that he’d already been hurt on his new night job. 

And then there was Mon-El. 

Kara took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down from the oncoming panic attack that felt imminent. 

After the kiss he’d given her in his delirious state during his illness, Kara had tried to firmly ensure that Mon-El only thought of her as a mentor and trainer. She’d been so excited when he’d announced that he’d wanted to help her help others that she’d missed the subtext of his remark. He wasn’t interested in saving humanity, he didn’t feel a genuine need to be a hero like she did; he’d only agreed to be trained so that he could get closer to her. 

Her words to him at the bar had been accurate if extremely hurtful. “I could never date someone like-” the cut off ‘you’ had hung in the air, unspoken but louder than if she’d shouted at him. 

And yes, he was handsome in a conventional way, and charming if you looked deeply enough, but there was something – not cruel, but thoughtless to his actions. Seeing him with Eve had been a blow to her pride, and another stab at her already aching heart. Every single one of her friends seemed to be enjoying themselves so much more without her lately.

Which was why Kara had found herself sitting outside Alex’s apartment struggling just to breathe. She desperately needed to talk to someone, and Alex had always been her first choice.

But, Alex hadn’t been home when she’d arrived a few minutes ago, her sister’s familiar heartbeat not thumping comfortingly from upstairs, but instead from across the city. And Kara did not have the energy to try and find her, and so instead and found herself sitting on the front steps in the cool evening air trying not to scream.

Kara raised a shaking hand, wiping away an errant tear, attempting to focus on the evening stars through her blurry vision, desperately seeking out the bright red Rao that could sometimes be seen on clear nights. But Kara couldn’t see her sun, even with her Super Vision, the lights of the city and the tears in her eyes taking away even that small comfort of home.

“Kara?”

The reporter jolted, so startled that she felt her heart begin racing even harder. Both hands reached up to brush away all evidence of her despair in the face of Alex’s new girlfriend.

Maggie lowered herself to sit beside Kara, her hand wavering a moment before reaching up to gently touch Kara’s shoulder.

“What’s going on?” Maggie asked.

Kara shook her head, unable to speak, her throat clenched up tight as the words refused to come.

“Alex just left to go visit you, you just missed her,” Maggie said. She contorted her leg to try and dig her cell phone from her pocket. “Lemme give her a call, I’ll tell her you’re here.”

“No,” Kara managed to choke out. 

Maggie hesitated, and reluctantly left her phone alone. “Talk to me Little Danvers.”

Kara could do nothing but wheeze, trying desperately not to burst into great wracking sobs which she knew wouldn’t stop if she allowed herself to start. This was not the impression she wanted to make on her sister’s shiny new girlfriend, and the thought of Maggie having to call Alex was somehow mortifying even if Kara desperately needed her sister. 

“We can just sit here a while, if you want,” Maggie offered quietly. 

Kara nodded and felt something unclench a little. 

Maggie sat silently beside the distraught woman, wondering what had happened to cause the usually bubbly Danvers to break down outside her sister’s apartment building at eleven in the evening. She kept her hand on Kara’s back, rubbing soft circles continuously, feeling every shuddering breath Kara took against her hand. The detective saw Kara’s shaking hands, and moved her own free hand to reach for Kara’s. Her finger’s brushed the back of Kara’s, only for the reporter to pull abruptly away.

“Don’t,” Kara breathed out, curling her fingers inwards and away from Maggie’s. 

The detective tried not to feel too hurt at the gesture, she knew she and Kara barely knew each other, but she had nothing but fondness for Alex’s baby alien sister.

“I – I don’t wanna hurt you,” Kara confessed in a whisper. “My control tonight is...not great.”

Maggie sighed sadly. What must that be like, she wondered. Terrified that you could hurt someone just by holding hands? Maggie reached for Kara again, resting her open palm over Kara’s closed fist. “How’s this?”

Kara nodded. “S’good.”

Wanting to attempt to coax a smile out of her wounded friend, Maggie bumped her should gently. “You are like a space heater,” she teased. “In more ways than one.”

The blonde huffed softly. “Alex makes that same joke,” she said softly.

Kara took a shuddering breath and looked down at Maggie’s hand. 

“I – I’m sorry about, y’know, all this,” Kara whispered. “Sorry your date night got ruined. Alex was really excited.”

“There’ll be other concerts,” Maggie replied. “And god knows I’ve cancelled my fair share of dates because of work. And you have nothing to be sorry about, kiddo. Do you feel up to talking a little?”

Kara’s tongue darted out to catch a tear that had caught at the edge of her lip, licking away the saltiness and trying so hard to keep herself together.

“I’ve just been feeling really alone lately. And today it just caught up to me, I guess,” Kara said.

“Yeah?”

“Everything at work has been really stressful,” Kara started. She knew that starting with her job was maybe taking the cowards way a little, but if she had to start talking about her friends she’d never be able to stop herself from losing control. “I used to be so good at my job, you know. I could go in knowing that I was going to be able to get things done, that a new challenge would be on its way and I could face it head-on, you know. Ever since I became a reporter, things just haven’t felt...I don’t know, right?” 

“Do you enjoy it?” Maggie asked.

Kara shook her head. “Not as much as I thought I would. Not as much as I know Kal-El does. My cousin. He’s so good at it, so good with words. Me, not so much. And just the thought of leaving CatCo makes me want to vomit, so I just feel...so stuck.”

“Well, CatCo’s huge, right? If reporting doesn’t feel a good fit, maybe see if there are other positions internally. Alex told me you’re an artist. Maybe being part of the Art Department or something else might be a better fit,” Maggie suggested.

Kara felt a part of her insides relax at the notion. Rao, why hadn’t she thought of that? She’d taken Lena and Cat’s suggestion of becoming a reporter and run with it, but after 3 months had found that it wasn’t her. She wasn’t a reporter. She wasn’t her cousin. She didn’t have to follow in his footsteps in every facet of her life.

“I will look into that,” Kara said seriously, already mentally planning to login to work from her home computer and check internal vacancies. 

Maggie gave Kara’s hand a tight squeeze, wondering how sensitive to touch Kara was. Kara’s index finger reached up to give her a friendly nudge in thanks.

“I get the feeling that was the easiest one to talk about?” Maggie said.

After several years working as a police officer, she’d been trained in questioning techniques, how to speak with people to get them to reveal their inner-most selves. And, in Maggie’s not so humble opinion, she was very, very good at her job. 

“Lately I’ve just felt a little...invisible,” Kara said.

Maggie goggled at her. “You literally fly around in a bright red cape, kiddo, you are not the least bit invisible.”

“That’s exactly my point!” Kara cried. “Everyone sees _Supergirl_ , they can take the time to help _Supergirl_ , talk to _Supergirl_ , but no one seems to see me! Kara Danvers isn’t just some secret identity, it’s not a cover story, or a way to fly under the radar. And right now, nobody seems to have any time for Kara Danvers.”

Maggie felt tears form in her own eyes. Damn, that was rough. And her own exclamation had only proven Kara’s point exactly.

“I’m sorry Kara,” Maggie said. “I know I’ve been monopolising Alex recently-”

“No!” Kara yelped. “I love that you and Alex are together. She is so happy when you’re around, and I never ever want her to be unhappy. And I know that I took up so much of her time growing up, that I darkened her light in a lot of ways. I’m so glad that she has you Maggie.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t still miss her,” Maggie said. “Or that you can’t be sad that she hasn’t been around as much. You and Alex spend so much time worrying about each other’s feeling that sometimes I think you both forget to worry about your own.”

‘ _It’s better when we’re together_ ,’ Alex had once told her. Kara had never felt that so much as she had right now.

“It hasn’t helped that Winn and James were keeping the whole Guardian thing a secret. I knew something was going on with them,” Kara said. “And maybe I should be more accepting of James, but he is going to get himself killed, and I can’t – _won’t_ – ever be okay with that.”

Maggie’s hand left it’s place from Kara’s shoulder to sling lower around Kara’s waist, pulling herself closer to the younger woman until they were side-to-side.

“That one’s a toughie,” Maggie said. “In a lot of ways, I agree with you.”

Kara looked across at her, eyes wide. “You do?”

The detective nodded. “There are reasons that being a vigilante is illegal,” she replied. “No one should be above the law, and people who take it upon themselves to fight crime can make things a lot harder for cops. The chain of evidence is corrupted immediately, and having a vigilante tie up the bad guys is technically a form of assault and kidnapping.”

“Then why - ” 

“Because right now, Guardian has been helpful to the city, and to NCPD. We’re over budget and understaffed, and the media had spun Guardian in a positive light. And why wouldn’t it, when Guardian is the interim CEO of CatCo?”

“But, Supergirl does basically the same thing - ”

“With government endorsement,” Maggie interrupted. “You have a legitimate agency backing your moves. I know technically you don’t work for them, but if anything ever went wrong, it would be up to the DEO to handle it.”

Kara nodded thoughtfully. She’d never really considered her actions or the implications of them when she’d been starting out. Working with the DEO had only really appealed to her because of Alex. She wouldn’t have had any backing if not for her sister, and then she too would have been the cause for problems.

“So, you don’t think it’s a good idea for James to be Guardian, either?” Kara asked, so glad that someone had finally listened to her concerns, sympathised with her argument, even if it was from a more legal standpoint than an emotional one.

“I think James can do great things for this city. And now that everyone’s in the know, it wouldn’t surprise me if J’onn put him through alien boot-camp or whatever it is the DEO agents have to go through,” Maggie said. “Your main concern is that he’ll be hurt right?”

“Yes.”

“So, I think with this one, if you can’t beat them, join them. Get the DEO to train him. Hell, get Alex to train him, she kicks some serious ass,” Maggie said with a dimpled grin.

Kara smiled. “She really does.”

“And she’s as human as they come. Fighting crime is a calling, Little Danvers. It’s not for everyone, but for the people it calls to, all we can do is make sure they have the best tools for the job.”

A hesitant nod was Kara’s only answer. It still felt all kinds of wrong to even think about letting James stay on as Guardian, but he’d made it clear that this was his decision. And Maggie had had a very good point. As much as Kara still worried about Alex every time she went into the field, it wasn’t the overwhelming feeling she’d had when she’d removed Guardian’s helmet to reveal one of her best friends. 

“Maybe I can talk to J’onn about getting him trained,” Kara said as another strand of stress unwound from her body. 

Which brought Kara to one of her final problems. The other crime-fighting male in her life, who’d confessed that the only reason he’d wanted to be trained was because he had feelings for her.

“Mon-El told me he only wants to fight crime to help me, because he has feelings for me,” Kara said. “He doesn’t care about helping people or keeping National City safe. Rao, if I could just combine James’ passion with Mon-El’s super-strength, everything would be solved.”

“Life would be easier that way, huh?” Maggie said. “Of course, it wouldn’t be half so interesting. Do you have feelings for him?”

“I care about him,” Kara said. “He’s a good friend, when he wants to be. But no, I don’t have feelings for him. And I was so harsh when I told him.”

“I don’t think you could ever be harsh, Kara,” Maggie reassured her.

Kara closed her eyes. “Well, I basically told him I’d never date someone like him, so it felt a little harsh.”

“Like him, because he’s an alien from a planet that had a centuries old blood feud with yours, or like him because he’s the space equivalent of a frat boy?”

“The second one,” Kara replied. “He just looked so hurt, and I felt so guilty. I mean first it was Winn, and then James (though that was more mutual), and now Mon-El. Why can’t I just be friends with a guy without having to worry about romance for once?”

“’Fraid I can’t help you with that one, Little Danvers. I have the best excuse when it comes to turning down men,” Maggie said.

Kara smiled half-heartedly. “He doesn’t make me smile. Not like James did. Not like Le-” she cut herself off with a soft cough.

Maggie wanted to ask what had made Kara stop, but felt that pushing that particular thread would unravel everything. “What has made you smile lately?”

Kara stopped thoughtfully. It felt like it had been a while since she had genuinely smiled at someone. 

“Alex; when she talks about you. Apart from that, nothing’s really felt real, y’know?” Kara said. “And I’ve tried reaching out, tried to make sure I was making time because I know I can be bad at that. But, lately no-one’s really reached back. And then I had a disagreement with a really good friend a few weeks back, and they haven’t been answering my calls or even my texts. And I know they’re still in town ‘cos I went to see them as, y’know, Supergirl, but Le – they didn’t want to talk to that me either. Before that fight, just getting a text made me light up. The silence has been really hard, and I just don’t know how to fix it.”

Maggie was not a stranger to reading between the lines, and she’d played the pro-noun game herself in her much younger years. It was interesting to hear it from Kara when she’d spoken so openly about everything else.

“Do me a favour?” Maggie asked. She waited for Kara to nod in agreement. “I want you to compare your friend with Mon-El for a minute, okay?”

“They’re really different,” Kara said.

“Maybe more specifically how you feel about your angry friend?”

“Mostly right now I just feel sad,” Kara said.

“Before that,” Maggie prodded. “What did you two do together?”

Kara smiled softly. “We used to grab lunch when we could. She works late most nights, so I’d drop by sometimes and bring her dinner. And we’d just talk; about our families, about our day, about anything we could. And she’s such a nerd,” Kara said, her smile growing a little bigger. “She’s got dual degrees in engineering and biomedicine and she’s so smart. And even though she has a hard time believing in herself sometimes, I always believed in her.”

Maggie couldn’t help but smile. She was 2:0 on helping the Danvers sisters through their sexual identity crises. 

“Maybe she feels a little like you feel tonight,” Maggie said. “Overwhelmed, and not sure where to start. But I think that if you keep reaching out, she’ll start reaching back.”

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe I can still give her space, but make sure she’s still taking care of herself. Like order her dinner when she’s working late, just so she knows that I’m still thinking about her,” Kara considered.

“Not a bad idea. Just don’t go overboard okay. I know you Danvers can get a little gung-ho about things, so don’t go Crazy Stalker on her,” Maggie teased. “I don’t want to get called out to arrest you.”

Kara nodded. “Right. Casual, but friendly. I can do that.”

Maggie could feel that Kara’s hand was no longer shaking, so she took the chance to shift her hand and they were palm to palm, fingers threaded. “Better?”

Kara smiled, not the bright happy grin that Maggie had seen weeks earlier, but not the clenched smile that had become the norm over the last few weeks. “Better,” Kara confirmed. 

“Why don’t we head upstairs, and you can crash out in Alex’s room. I’ll text her to let her know you’re here,” Maggie said.

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a really good plan.”

With a little effort, Maggie managed to assist Kara to her feet, and they took the elevator up to Alex’s floor. Kara quickly commandeered a pair of Alex’s pyjamas and promptly crawled into her sister’s giant king-sized bed. She fell asleep within moments, completely exhausted. 

Maggie sent Alex a text, but found that her girlfriend was already inserting her key into the lock of her apartment. Alex’s eyes met Maggie’s, surprised to see her girlfriend still there.

“Hey, everything okay?”

“Yeah, just Kara came by while you were gone. We hung out for a bit. She’s crashed out in your room,” Maggie said. “I didn’t wanna leave until you got home.”

“Thanks. I was worried when she wasn’t at her place,” Alex said.

“You guys should spend some time together tomorrow,” Maggie suggested, not wanting to divulge the heart to heart she’d just had with Kara, but also not wanting Alex to think that her sister was completely okay. “Just the two of you. I get the feeling she needs a little sister time.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, I had that feeling too,” she replied. “Thanks for staying with her.”

“She really loves you,” Maggie said softly. She’d never had a sibling, but the soft feelings she’d been having for Kara all night felt about what she’d imagined having a kid sister would be like. 

“And I really love her,” Alex said. “I need to find a better balance, I know.”

“Hey, I think Kara’s great. I wouldn’t be opposed to having her hang with us to watch a movie, or grab dinner. There’s no reason that you have to keep all the pieces of your life separate. We’ll find a balance that works.”

Alex nodded and moved towards her girlfriend, looping her arms around Maggie’s waist. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you Sawyer,” Alex said with a grin.

“Well, it musta been awful,” Maggie teased. “Didja kick a puppy?”

Alex smiled and touched her lips to Maggie’s tenderly. “Nah, I leave the kicking for the aliens.”

Maggie grinned and gave Alex a final kiss. “Get to bed Danvers, it’s late. Early morning tomorrow. I know Kara’s a bottomless pit when it comes to breakfast, so lemme know if you need me to bring any reinforcements in the way of pancake batter.”

Alex grinned. “I wil.”

Maggie let her hand trail across Alex’s in a lingering gesture before she finally took her leave. 

Alex moved quietly around her apartment, changing into sleep shorts and a loose tank top and climbing in next to Kara who was sprawled nearly directly in the middle of Alex’s bed. The elder Danvers choice to buy a king-sized bed hadn’t been an accident, and so Alex still had plenty of room. She felt Kara stir slightly, her younger sister grumbling sleepily and slinging an arm around Alex’s waist.

“Alex,” Kara whispered.

“Hey Kara,” Alex whispered back. “Go back to sleep.”

“Miss you,” came Kara’s sleepy confession.

Alex felt tears sting her eyes. She pulled Kara’s arm more tightly around herself, forcing Kara to shift until they were snuggled up like they’d done as kids. Alex waited for Kara’s breathing to even out before she eventually whispered; “I miss you too.”

END

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for angst. I was crying before I wrote this, while I wrote this, and while I re-read to self-beta. If there are any mistakes, please let me know and blame all the tears.
> 
> Just so many feels about the back half of season 2, and none of them are good. We spent all of the first half thinking Lena needed a hug, and now all I can think is ‘for the love of Rao, somebody hug Kara.’


End file.
